Luck by chance

I believe in will power or how badly you want something or rather anything in your life. The moment you doubt it whether you want it or not, it starts to slip away from you. It could be a person, it could be a thing, it could be a job, just about anything. When I say this to people they don't believe me. They say they have bad luck or as we call say in India "SHANI Around us" *Shani is like an evil spirit, that doesn't let anything good happen to you* I tell them if they keep saying no I am not getting a job, no I am not lucky enough to get that thing or have that person in my life even then your words and thought works but they make sure what you are thinking even if it is negative it will happen. But then apart from all this off late I realized there is a small factor of luck involved too. We are all scared of taking risk, doing something away from the usual. So, we end up sticking to the stereotype thats what we, the mediocre people are, the no lets not take the risk people. But people who thing to SCREW IT AND LETS DO IT with a come what may attitude may not be successful right from the first attempt but at least they wouldn't regret not having tried and they get the confidence. I want to be different but I have no idea, I have no plan, no strategy. Someday, hopefully. I will have an idea and I will make sure I do it. No matter what. 

Attachments

Emotions ? Attachments ? Grief ? Departing from loved ones ? I have some how overcome most of these  all thanks to a dear friend of mine whom I hate the most right now, my ex. May be it is for the good but I know I miss my parents the most. This person made me realize nothing is more important in your life than your parents at least that's how it is for me. At the moment. I have become emotionally detached from most things. Love, friends, family. But that doesn't mean I am not happy. I do get happy often :) I get happy for silly things, for things that seem trivial and remain un noticed.

On a different note. I went for a wedding reception yesterday. The bride and the groom fell in love and decided to get married. They were not the perfect couple, that was the first thought in my head when I saw them, but then I realized there is no perfect couple. We find each other. EVENTUALLY. We make ourselves adapt to each other. The easier the adaptation, the stronger the love. I like someone, I get over obsessed about that person and then I stop liking him so that I don't get into a relationship or fall in love with him. Way too much for me to handle.

I am in love with Lana Del Ray and Ellie Goulding their music relieves me from most of my tensions not that I have many *touchwood*,  but anyway. I also like checking out videos of iisuperwomanii on youtube. She's strangely funny :) *I just thought about her and I am smiling already* You must watch her videos. I tried showing them to my room mates and they didnt understand any of it :-| Hate it when people dont understand what I am trying to tell or show them.

This feels like a book except that each paragraph is a different chapter, with no connection between any of the them :P I am done for now. I want to start trying to write poems like I used to earlier but this time not about a person. No way. People annoy me. I find most people annoying. Cant help it. I've become cynical. That's the whole reason why I started blogging after a long time.  Something I call self indulgence :) Like my new lush scrub. "OCEAN SALT" omg I am in love with it. I take bath just so that I can smell that scrub. I am totally gonna buy a new one once I finish it. It smells like margarita. :D Its pretty late right now I should head to bed.
Till my next post.

Cheers

Issues

I was a big slut but I am not anymore there's always gonna be a big part of me that was sloppy and dirty but I like it with all the other parts of myself can you say that about yourself. - Tifanny (silver linings playbook)

There are always gonna be people who judge other like Tifanny. For the only fact that shes a slut. Cant people like her in real life actually be left alone and made to change instead of taking advantage of the fact that shes a slut. Usually no one would. Cos its easier to have sex and get laid then to think of the future of a person and change her. Get her out of her mess. Its not just issues related to girls. Even guys have issues, but its just that I am not a guy and I have no idea what they go through.

Fear, do we ?

We are strong and bold on the outside,
Pretend like everything will be alright.
But not many agree to the fact that we are scared.
Scared of life.
Scared about ourselves.
Scared about people in our lives.
Scared about what will happen to us tomorrow.
Scared about we have to do the day after.
But the fact that most people I know have absolutely no clue,
About what they are doing with their lives or even what is their existence.
I am one of them.
I am scared.
I am scared of the most petite things you can ever think of.
But if I do something I don't like or which might make me reget,
I do not fear about what is done.
Cos I know for a fact that whatever happened in my life till today.
Whomever I met in my life till today.
Was(things I did) and were (People I came across) amazing.
I know for a fact that I love people.
No matter how much I complain.
At the end of it all, I love the person even if he/she hates me.
But the fear about my future. About what I am to do with it.
Haunts me.
Not the haunt which gives you nightmares.
But makes me wonder over and over about what is my life for.
I am a good person. I know for a fact I am.
I might be bad to someone but as I always say good and bad are just two relative terms.
I wish I had an idea. The power to make descions. To no be lazy.
To talk to real people and not just stare at my phone like it the end of my life.
We all know for a fact that we love things and people we don't have.
I just love...... Every possible creation.
I ve learnt to love, but not to show it to people.
I ve learnt to live, but for someone else.
I ve learnt to be happy, but with a lot of complaints.
I ve learnt to be perfect, with a lot of flaws.
Eventually, this is me.
This is my time.
Make an impact at least on one person before I am no more in this world.
For all that I know this is all I can think of.
Money, things and people are temporary.
Memories, moments and change is permanent.
In the words of my close friend, " take your time and make descions, just make sure you don't take 'forever' "

As always you only live once (YOLO) make sure you LIVE it.

Sunny side up

24, That's the number of years wasted doing practically nothing. Well, not really, maybe, I made a lot of people laugh. I love making people smile. I am not a funny person, but hate seeing people sad. I like a lot of people in my life but most of the time they don't reciprocate the way I want, that's how everything in life is. But then I don't like seeing people low, specially people I like. I want people to be happy. One thing that makes me happy is music. No matter what, I am happy when I listen to music (most of the times).

So this is a fresh start to my blog. I used to blog a lot but stopped for quite sometime. Makes me wonder at times if blogging was the reason I actually managed to get through worst times in my life. That's the reason I call my post "sunny side up". I am still an amateur blogger. I like writing out my thoughts. I like reading stuff. If you have something interesting I am up for it. I also love taking pictures. Should buy an slr camera pretty soon. I also love tea. (hate washing the vessel after making it :P )

Had a very strange feeling when I got up today morning. A feeling of failure. A feeling of defeat. A feeling of loosing a war. But soon realized, the war I am fighting against is my life. It is never going to end. I can always get up and get myself together and continue fighting this war that has started. I realized today that it is some kind of spark that has started in me. Something that I want to do. Something to transform myself into. Not just physically but also mentally,  hence, decided to blog more often. I don't have my own laptop and I hate blogging by any other means. So time to get a new laptop pretty soon (and also an dslr) ;)

As for my life and the current way I 've been living. I am doing good. Have to go to work tomorrow, need some dough for living in USA. Parents are not meant just for sending across money and making you happy all the time. There's also something called working hard and living on your earnings. I've not been very successful but I try my best to not ask my parents for money, not that they cannot send but cos I DONT want them to. I miss my parents and my brother the most in my life. I couldn't have asked for a better life and better family. No one can ever get the life I live. It's mine and I am happy. I am content. I have an exam coming up in April.  It is a comprehensive exam of all the subjects I've learnt in my masters combined together. It is going to be hard to get through but I have to. I really have to do it. Should stop chatting, flirting around, fooling around, wasting time and start studying. I will from today. For the moment my short term goal is to get through with my exams and my graduation. My long term goal is to definitely get a camera. Sounds stupid. but yes that is what I am thinking about for the time being.

Also keep smiling always. Spread brightness through your smile. Make everyone happy. Don't fight for trivial matters. YOLO (You live only once) make your presence felt in a positive way. :)

Here's a link to the pictures I ve taken so far. Still an amateur even in this ;)