Imperfect me

It's been a crazy month. Had a great time in Disney land saw all my favourite charachters .. Felt like a kid, I actually behaved like one and I enjoyed it thoroughly .. I was so excited that the next post that I wanted to write a huge blog about my experience and how I even cried cos it's been my childhood dream to go to Disney but all in vain... I am writing this post with tears rolling down my eyes, being absolutely cynical, more cynical than I have ever been. I wonder why I even learnt the meaning of that name in the first place... I know we all are imperfect.. But it's just too annoying to talk to any person that I know... They keep annoying me at one point or te other make me feel that I am living for them like I am supposed to adapt to their lifestyle, their daily routine, their way of living. May it is my fault that I even let them take me for granted I try to think of other things I like. Like music. But even that is ruined. I know it just a bad phase we all go through it but what's the point when you have no one to listen to you in such a bad state .. That is exactly what I am going through.. No one wants to talk to me not even mr. S :( feels gloomy and depressed although It is a lovely day and I got my first ever salary it still feels weird :( wish there was a way that people understood about other people just by looking or feeling the vibrations and react accordingly.. May be they are selfish.. May be they we all are selfish and think about others unhappiness as our happiness an vice versa.. Or may be this is just a sign to search my inner peace.. So many distractions and disturbance that I don't even know what I am looking for... I know all this but the only thing I don't understand is how do I do it.. Or may be consider life as a moment of spontaneous happiness and keep it for a long enough to make me pas through even phases like these or may be I just need music and dance.. It's all very clear but still so unclear.. In the end of the day all that matters is how connected are we to our inner peace ..I have no idea what I am talking but strangely I am not crying anymore xos I know I have my blog to ran out my feelings :) cheers to my blog :) for making me smile or atleast making me stop crying but eventually the credit goes to me to end my evergreen depression.. I just realize my post sounds as dumb as my tweets that is probably why I like tweeting as well.. Off to college for now .. And wishing for the best :)

....

I wonder why are we arguing ? I wonder what is it that is expected from a relation ? Its eating my head like the maggots eating up on flesh. I wonder if I have any brain after all the dumb things I did. I wonder what is it that he expects from me ? but all that I know is that I ruined this relationship... With my own hands... metamorphic ally yes it is ...

the love and the LOVE

There is Love and then there is LOVE... The love that people can see and then there is love that people don't see but people can feel but what if there is a time when the love cannot be seen and cannot be felt does it mean that there is no love ? What is love ? I wonder. I ask myself a million times. I keep questioning myself a zillion times but I am not sure what it is or what I feel it is. All I know is there is just love and it is always there no matter what. No matter how bad things get. No matter to what extent a relationship goes to it is always there. But what if the other person doesn't feel the love from me and feels there is no more love or caring. I don't really understand what I am typing at this point but it has never been clearer to me that all I wanted was to just be with you. I wonder how relationships break ? because of cheating on each other ? because of flirting with the opposite sex ? because of not understanding each other ? or just because one of them feels there is no love from the other and eventually moves on. Relationships are complicated. Obviously there are two opposite sexes involved in a relationship there are two different lives involved. There is no way that there can be a relationship that is hassle free and has no issues. with each other but a true relationship is one that can come over or face each others situation and not feel offended... Life is never easy.. the older you get the more complicated it gets. I wonder why we grow old. I hate growing old. I am not sure if people like being older but I definitely don't like it at any cost... I wish there was a easier way for things to handle them but then this is life.. they say life teaches you but it is also said that life teaches you in the harder way... hope and faith drag me through each day... Hope that some day I will be a better person, a better lover and a better wife.

mistakes in life can be corrected but you can never get back that part of life which you wasted living doing that mistake!!

The thin line....

Every relationship has a thin line.... It is pretty obvious... And by a line I mean a level of saturation for each other due to their mistakes.... Either of them has to change or compromise but beyond this point a relationship cannot really last... It could last if they are meant to be with each other no matter what.... If the end purpose of a relationship is to stay together they " will" stay together... I don't know why a girl is always the physchotic character in a relation she is the one who acts dumb, who screws up a relation , who throws all the tantrums , who does all the drama... But when two people like each other and want to be with each other but either of them reaches the thin line that I was talking about and is almost in a situation where they cannot take it anymore from the other... The relationship depends on this person if he wants to take it any further or not.. According to me a relationship is a relationship and not just a mere possession to each other or a license to make love just because they are termed gf-bf ... When they get into a relationship they get into it so that they can be with each other no matter what... the minute a relationship ends they do not have a chance to actually start a new one... If that was the case if we dint like our parents or our siblings would we want replacements ? Ok I guess I am being just plain dumb here but I grieve for my mistakes and repent for the stupid things that I did to make someone feel "not" loved.. I feel my heart turn into ice every time I hear that word... From their mouth... I don't want it to end at any cost... I hope it doesn't... I fall asleep om my bed with a little hope and faith that tomorrow is going to be a better day...

Ending this post in a sad note... Hoping to delete it soon and replace it with a happier post so that I don't remember that I went through all this pain and made him feel this pain because of me....

the distance

The distance is between us is measurable but not the love,

this is the only topic I talk about and it is always about you my love.

I miss you like never before but I don't want to tell it to you like ever,

Cos I know we are gonna stay apart for a while and no one can change that never.

Things that remind me of you , Things that I wish I could share with you,

Or even be doing with you.

I yearn for the time that I will be holding your hands and lay on your arms,

Till death do us apart, I wait for you my love.

P.s - I don't know what I typed it was all spontaneous, I might edit it later but all that I know is I miss him like hell..

Love

Peskyme... :) *with a tear in my eye*

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As usual I have no title for my post. I Just have a bag full of mixed emotions right now. I feel something is wrong but I dono what it is, I just went for an eye check up. I ll have my lunch and get out of my house. My house feel really sad right now. It doesn't make me feel happy or excited to just sit at home and do nothing but stare at FB or Gtalk or Twitter ( well, that is what I do most of the day) Need to get myself out of home at any cost. Hopefully there will be a change on my mood once I am out.

1857

Revolt of 1857

???

No, I am not gonna write about history here. Ohri's 1857 was the place I went yesterday and its a lovely place for going in the night. It is a lovely place to "wine, dine and unwind" just like their tagline suggest. :)

He always wanted to take me there and dine with him. I wanted to dine as well and yesterday was the perfect day as is turned out. He loves being in the state of half highness and talk whatever he feels like and some how no matter what he talks I find it nice to have that conversation with him. I enjoyed every single minute I was there. The place is by necklace road which is built to join hyderabad and secunderabad across the man made lake 'hussain sagar'. Trust me its a lovely sight. We sat in the corner with these cute candles with were flickering like real ones but were battery operated. Low couches. Fell on his heart just to hear it beat. Love listening to it. The way he kept seeing me and pushing my hair across my forehead and putting it behind my ear. We spoke a lot. I am rather short of words. Seems like my range of vocabulary has come down. Should make a point to improve it. Wish I took pictures with him in that place but I still have those memories with me. I googled for this place and found a couple of pics.

This is the entrance and the bar in front...


This is the right side of the place, the bluish colour in between is hussain sagar :)


And this is the left side from the entrance.. A better view of the lake...

Told you the place was good, but if you are still not satisfied you should go there and check it out yourself. :)