Realizations

You learn something new everyday.

You realize your past decisions

That minute you made a decision, 

probably felt wrong;

But it is not.

Wrong decisions doesn't mean failure;

They are experiences,

To take the right decisions that will lead you to success.

Signs

Irony; how I was almost going to get this mug from my brother the very same day I wrote a story from my childhood about adulthood.

*Refer to Adulthood in Childhood !  before proceeding further*


Cont.


Ever since that incident I did not want to grow older. I wished I stayed young even though I was not allowed to do adult things. I had a best friend, who had an elder sister and she was obsessed with growing old and going to college. She could see how much fun her sister was having and couldn't wait to grow old. I would tell her being a kid is much more fun and how she will know about it later on. I was still only in 6th grade :P #SoMuchGyaan :D




Fast forward to post school were we moved to different schools but still enjoyed hanging out and meeting for coffee and doing all the so-called grown up things :P. I remember she called me at 10pm just to tell me how right I was in school about growing up. I told her things will not get any better, it will only get worse.




Forward to different colleges in different cities, she was still my friend but we wouldn't talk as much.



E : Dudeeeee, you were sooo true. College sucks. Why cant we just be kids and have fun like we used to in school.




P : I told you, wait till you start earning, get married and have kids. You grow older not to have fun but rather to get stronger about situations you never knew you will end up facing.  As a kid you don't face situations. At least our families didn't give us a tough time. We should be grateful to that.




E : Damn dude ! how do you know all this ?




P : *Repeats story from my 4th grade :P*




E : That's so trueeee. I miss you man.




P : I miss you too dude. :)

Adulthood ? No, Thank you.

End of Science Class


Teacher : Make sure you come up with a topic for your science project at the end of this month. All ideas are welcome and make sure you try to come up with something innovative and new.


Me to Myself : Innovative ? New ? I am just in class 4, Why does she think ? I just manage to pass in every subject and that's a huge deal for me. How does my brother do his projects every year though ? Why cant I come up with some idea ? *Overlapped with random nonsense in my head* **Yaay Time to go home**


Back At home :


Cousins came over and were discussing with my mom about one of their love affairs or their job situation, I don't remember. I kept running around and jumping and pulling my brother's hair. Kept asking them to give me ideas for my science experiment.


One of my cousin hits me on my back (Just for fun)


I hit him back wayyyyy harder; and he immediately says; see, this is your science project "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction"




I start crying why cant you understand this is a big deal, do you know how many problems I have. I have to carry my books to school everyday, finish homework everyday, do math everyday(I HATE MATH) (If you don't know you should read this post about me Things that make me, ME. ), do you know how stressful all this is and you give me such a stupid example.



My cousin who loves me a lot, pulls me closer to console me and says "Do you know you are only 8 years old and that is the only difficulty in your life, that is the only problem you have to deal with right now. You have no clue how much shit you have to deal with when you grow older. Just have fun when you are younger".


Probably not his exact words but I understood what he meant.


*Lighting stuck my head* **Not Literally of course :P :D**




To be continued....


A little encouragement to write more often would help :P *Just comment if you read this story and wanna more* Ill still write the rest of the story anyway :P


Cheers

Journey

Day 1


D : Good Morning P
P :  Good Morning. How has your day been so far ?
D : Good ! Glad to see you again. How have you been ? How is your plan on buying a new car coming along ?
P: Well, I'm still not sure and I just got the news at work that my project is about to end. I cant risk buying a car at this time.
D : Oh ! I'm Sorry to hear that, I hope you figure something out soon.
P: Yeah, I wish the same. How are you kids ?
D : They've been great. I Just dropped them off at school.


*15 more minutes of conversation later*


D: Well, here your stop, and good luck with the job hunt




Day 27
P : Hey ! Nice to see you.
D : Hello there ! Lovely day.
P : Oh yes, Btw I found a new job in the same company but a different cuilding.
D : That's Awesome, now time to buy your car :)
P : Look Like it.


*More Random Conversation*


Day 117
P buys a car and knows she will never get a chance to meet D. All those random conversations, were always a way for her to brighten up her day. Either way she knows no one is permanent in her life.


Day  208
D : Hey! How you been ?
S : Hi! I am good How are you doing ?
D : Oh, Im doing great. Btw do you know P ?
S : *Shocked and Surprised* Oh yes, we work at the same office.
D : Oh, how is she ? She said she was going to buy a car and move to a new place ?
S : Yes, She's doing great and yes she bought a car.


*More random conversation back and forth about P and life in general*


PS - If you haven't guessed it I am P in this story and D was my uber driver who picked and dropped me back home over a span of 6 months and I loved our conversations with each other.


PSS - S is my friend who met him 6 months after I bought my car and haven't had a chance to talk to him at all.


This made me Smile and will make me smile for the rest of my life whenever I read this. :)


Sometimes, in life People do remember you, no matter how far away you are; or how long you haven't spoken to them. They will remember you.

Stuck in a loop

Its a new day, a new morning,
but the same bed,
the same lonely self,
the same routine to follow up during the day,
the same routine to follow in the night.


They say life is constantly changing;
Some change in life is inevitable,
but sometimes, not having any change in your life,
can make life seem, purposeless.


Hold on! Don't rush, don't get anxious for change;
We are stuck in a loop for a reason,
whether you like it or not.


Just wait, Continue living, like today was the happiest day of your life; Come what may!

Decisions, Sacrifices and Compromises

Stay away from emotional attachment with people, easy to say but you don't know when it happens and when you want to cut away that string. Cutting that string is the toughest decision she had to make. Staying away from him was as difficult for her as she could ever imagine. But she had to marry someone else, someone she's always wanted to be with from a long time, the date was fixed, families agreed after a lot of argument. She has to be with him, there is no backing out now.


Life is all about decisions, sacrifices and compromises all along, the more number of days you spend on this earth the more you understand about sacrifices and compromises you make along your path. You have to let go of people, you think you like, if they are meant to be in your life they will be in your life but that doesn't mean you force things to happen and break away an existing relation. I am not pointing fingers at her or saying what she's doing is wrong but the sooner she realizes the commitment she's already made, the happier she will be. All that I care about is she is happy with whoever she is.


Decisions were taken, Sacrifices need to be made, Compromises are inevitable.


Its time to cut the String.


Disclaimer : This post is NOT about me. My marriage is not fixed nor am I seeing anyone as of today (09/12/2016). I am Single and Happy AF.

We'll be alright.

We are scared.
We pretend like we don't care.
But may be we actually do.


May be a little less about ourselves
and a little more about what others do.




When we were small,
we didn't know what it felt like to be independent;


Now that we are all grown up,
we don't like it anymore.




We were never bothered about bills to pay,
responsibilities to take care of,
or earn to feed a family;


Now that you are there,
you understand what debts are,
you understand what it means to take impulsive decisions,
you know what its like, to eat food made by your mother.


Not everyone is that lucky.




You have made happy memories,
had amazing relations,
met new people,
but you also had bad incidents,
people that walked out on you,
enemies you made on your way here.


Stick to what brings you happiness;
coz life is not all daffodils and daisies.




Just when things go wrong; breath in, relax.
And remind yourself "everything will be alright".

Genuineity

I guess there's no such thing as being genuine, after all. You like to remember the faults others do but never point out the wrong you do. Such is the human feeling. I love being what I am, I love what I was and I will continue loving myself. I also accept the flaws in me. I, at least admit my flaws. We all know no one is perfect. But when someone points fingers at you for your flaws and don't admit their flaws. What can you possibly do ? Do you cry for people pointing out fingers ? Or do you cry, coz they do not admit that they have made mistakes equally as bad as you ? Or would you just stay calm and let people point fingers and not give a shit coz that's what people who want to cover up their asses do ?


Either way; just learn to be genuine.
Be truthful, at least to yourself.

A part/story of his life

He was a shy boy, never been in a relationship, never got attached to a girl or had a girl friend. He respected women, look up to them but then there was a girl who came into his life and made him feel like his world was upside down. His life made so much more sense but he didn't understand this feeling. She was used to that feeling, she knew how men are. She knew getting serious about a guy meant having to go through a very bad phase. She knew it will be a roller coaster with all the lovey dovey talks initially and then the mediocre talks about nothing to discuss and then comes the arguments. She never pulled any of the guys she met through all these three stages, because after the third stage things would definitely only be downhill. For him all this was new, like listening to bird early in the morning meant more meaning, or the first msg he would get from her every morning when he would just open his eyes to the morning light. Now, she fears that the road they travel will be a downhill because they may not have a future together, not because she doesn't want to but because they were Indians and Indians cared deeply about their roots and where they came from. She does not want him to get hurt like she did a million times before. She takes baby steps for him to move far away from her.




P.S - Don't assume this is my story or story of someone I know. Even if you are sure it is; just don't ask me.


P.S.S - Hope they have a future together.

When I marry a Stranger ...

More than half my peers are married. Sooner or later, whether I like it or not I will be too. I have been preparing my self since the age of 8 for that moment. I keep reminding myself, this is not my home, this is just a temporary shelter, a shelter for a refugee. A refugee who has been waiting to be a part of someone's life, a refugee who is waiting to call a place her home, a refugee who is just lost and living life as a nomad.


When I was younger, I was pampered, treated like a princess, never been yelled at, given the privilege to complain about anything any time to the king (My dad). Whenever my mom yells at me for not doing my homework, I pick up the phone and call my dad. My brother and I have a fight, run to the phone to call my dad. I don't get what I want even if its a chocolate, call my dad. My dad was the solution for all my life's complicated problems ( I was a kid; they were huge problems for me back then :P). My brother hated this privilege, I had. He was treated differently (only by my dad, everyone else loved him.) He was fair, always a topper in class, listened to everything my mom said and a very obedient boy (unlike me). He eventually got furious with the way I was treated, he shouted back and asked my dad "why don't you ever yell or beat, papa(yes, that was my pet name)" My dad who was very angry at my brother for some reason I don't remember, immediately cooled down, looked at me with a heavy heart and said "Papa, will not be a part of us, once she gets married" I was probably 7 or 8. That was a very intense sentence for me to take in. (Even just recollecting that memory right now, bought tears to my eyes. *breathing heavily, holding back tears*) I did not know how to react as a kid but I had to accept the fact that as a girl, as an Indian, I had to accept that fact. Even though it did not impact my life immediately, this memory got stuck in my head as I grew up. When I had to leave home for my undergrad, when I had to leave the country for my graduation, when I had to change jobs from one state to another, every time I had to sign the lease for a new house that I moved in to, I tell myself; this is temporary, just hang in there till you get married, you will have a place you can actually call "Home".


 

Are you Judgy ?

I am sure you are. Cos that's how we as humans are built to think. You meet someone, you decide what they are; based on their looks, their attitude. the way they speak. This is the initial level of judging people, which is most common. I agree that even I probably fall in this category of judgy people. Then comes the next category of people who take judging a person, a level further; by assuming what that person is based on "WHAT" they talk or "HOW" they behave or "WHOM" they hang out with. Specially when that person is a girl. When a girl talks a lot, or if she has more guy friends or ocassionally drinks and smokes or sleeps around with guys, the whole world suddenly begins to be bothered about her. Its how they wish to live. If you are their friend and care about them just let them know. I am sure they will understand, at least not initially. Irony, even someone who rants about other being judgy is actually being judgy about them just because they think that person is judgy. Circle of Life. May be ?


Just random thoughts. Cheers. Have a nice day :)

Here I am

This is me.

This is how I am.

I am flawed.

I don't have the perfect of anything.

I am perfect at being imperfect.